A Day at SHIELD Day Care
by Berserker Nightwitch
Summary: Phil Coulson loves his job. Even if it does include a little girl far too skilled at hide-n-seek, two tiny geniuses, brothers who wreck entire playgrounds, and a child who enjoys climbing the fridge. And the flag pole. And the cabinets. And all the trees. And the building. And the tetherball pole. And Phil.


Title: A Day at SHIELD Child Care

Summary: Phil Coulson loves his job. Even if it does include a little girl far too skilled at hide-n-seek, two tiny geniuses, brothers who wreck entire playgrounds, and a child who enjoys climbing the fridge. And the flag pole. And the cabinets. And all the trees. And the building. And the tetherball pole. And Phil.

Note: This is an AU, in case the title didn't give that away. Also, it's told from the POV of Phil Coulson.

* * *

I love my job. No, really; there's nothing like it in the world. Each day I wake up before the sun even rises, get dressed, and head to work. My boss, Nick Fury, is already there (I don't think that man ever even goes home) with coffee. We spend a few minutes cleaning up yesterday's mess, and getting things set up for the day before anyone else arrives.

The first to show up, promptly at 5:30 each morning, is little Anthony. He would rather be called 'Mr. Stark' today, but we compromise with 'Tony'. I'm just glad he's gotten over the 'Iron Man' stage - why Howard would allow a six-year-old to listen to that kind of music is beyond me. Nick and I are given a reprieve, as the child brought along a collection of toy cars, and seems content to play with them.

It's hard to keep track of the next handful of children. Bruce arrives just before six. He settles easily at the table with the paper and crayons Nick set out earlier. Not a minute later, Thor and Loki show up, arguing loudly over something or other. Odin looks like it's been a trying morning already. While Nick checks the boys in, I do my best to settle the argument. It seems to be going well up until Loki hits me with a stick. He is sent to time-out (sadly, two minutes between arrival and time-out is not even close to a record with this bunch), and Thor is settled with Bruce and Natasha.

It takes me longer than I would admit aloud to realize that Natasha has managed to sneak in again. I check with Nick, and he didn't see her parents drop her off either. She has a bad habit of just silently appearing somewhere. And she's managed to get the finger paints out of the locked cabinet again. Joy.

Steve and Clint walk in together, trailing the former's mother and the latter's older brother. Steve is sent off to play (he joins Tony; apparently they're friends at the moment) as soon as his mother finishes checking him in. Barney, however, snags Clint's shirt before the boy can run into the play room. I hang back to watch as the older boy squats down to his brother's eye level. It's just the usual list: don't climb things, don't shoot people, no acrobatics, stop making Mr. Phil's hair fall out. Oh, ha-ha.

* * *

I love my job. It's now lunch time, and I have to remind myself that I love my job. Loki and Steve are covered in spaghetti and grape jelly. I honestly have no idea how they got the jelly - I didn't think we had any in the building. Clint is crouched on the top of the refrigerator, flinging meatballs at a paper cup Natasha is holding. For a second I have to decide between annoyed that he's throwing food and impressed that every meatball so far has made it into the cup. Then I notice that they've cut out the bottom of the cup. Annoyance wins. Thor, Tony, and Bruce appear to be eating, though Thor will need a change of clothes when the meal's over.

I turn to Nick, intending to ask him which group he wants to deal with first, and see his eye widen momentarily. I turn back to the children quickly. Huh. Who knew spaghetti noodles were so flammable? I leave the experiment to Nick and head to the kitchen. Neither Loki or Steve is going anywhere any time soon.

* * *

I love my job. I really, REALLY love my job. Or, well, I love nap time. They're all so peaceful and sweet - and quiet - when they're unconscious. Never mind. Thor just punched Loki in his sleep.

* * *

I love my job. It's becoming a mantra at this point. Everyone is up from their naps, and we've still got three hours to go before the parents start arriving. Nick decided it would be a good idea to take the kids outside. I tried to remind him about last time. The fire department said they would press charges if Clint got the basket up again. We're currently outside in the yard.

Everything went well, at first. Steve and Bruce played quietly in the sandbox. Natasha was acting as assistant while Tony attempted to install motors in his toy cars. Loki was fighting imaginary opponents off with a stick. Clint and Thor were talking or playing quietly be the tetherball pole. That should have tipped me off. Clint didn't talk much, but he wasn't one to sit quietly unless he was perched somewhere dangerous. And Thor, well, 'quiet' would likely never be used to describe that child in any way.

The thing is, it didn't tip me off. I was fighting a headache by that time (I blame it on the meatball to the ear I got while trying to get Clint down from the fridge), and was leaning against a tree. I swear I only closed my eyes for a second. Then the yelling started.

I take it all in with a single glance. Bruce is in the sandbox still, only now he is crying and beginning to turn green. ****. His glasses are broken, and no amount of tape can help them. Steve, our little do-gooder, is standing over him, giving quite the impressive verbal lashing to a laughing Loki. Natasha is throwing gum at Tony's head while Fury-

Strangling the boss is a BAD decision, and I need to remind myself of this repeatedly.

Fury is watching it happen, a fond smirk on his face. I knew he had a soft spot for that girl. My eyes widen, and it feels like my headache has taken a some industrial-strength steroids, because even that small motion sets off a sharp pain. The reason for the new pain? Thor and Clint. Really should have tipped me off. Clint has gotten his sticky little fingers on the bow and suction-cup arrows I was sure I had burned last month. He's sitting on the top of the tetherball pole, shooting arrows around the yard. Thor is... riding the tetherball. Surely there's a normal daycare in this city that would accept my application.

* * *

I love my job. It's four in the afternoon, and the parents are beginning to arrive. Steve waves goodbye from his place on his mother's hip as they walk out the door. Natasha has disappeared, but her father's signature is on the sign-out sheet, so we don't need to call the police. Thor nearly crushes my knees in a tight hug - Loki deigns to nod at me - and then they're gone, following Frigga out the door. Bruce calls out a quiet farewell as his mother leads him out. Tony nearly screams his own goodbye in his mother's ear. She winces, but doesn't otherwise react. Clint drops from the ceiling fan to hug Phil when Barney shows up. He offers a sweet grin to his brother, and immediately starts chattering about his fun day and how Mr. Phil did an AMAZING catch.

Yeah. I love my job.

* * *

A/N: It's not much, but I wanted to write something to go with a picture I drew. If you're interested, exchange the (dot)s with actual periods, and it can be found at yoru-magi(dot)deviantart(dot)com/gallery


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